Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
