I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
