I cannot find my penis.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
MIDGETS
????
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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