I am in a vortex of obligation.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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