you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
