I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have already put on my inside pants.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
