I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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