GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She's the barista slut.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
