When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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