I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
