How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
