Welp...herpes.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
