It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
