Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I understand Curling. That high.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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