do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
