I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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