you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
