I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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