I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
