Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
