god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
