i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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