They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
