All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
