At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
