Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
