I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
