Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
