I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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