Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
