I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
