tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
