Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
