Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I pour the whiskey from now on
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
