My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
