Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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