is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
