I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
