It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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