He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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