Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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