M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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