I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
