Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
