We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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