hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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