pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Less talking, more tequila
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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