Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
