who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
