Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
