So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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