My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
