I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She needs sedatives and a leash
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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