also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
