He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
